Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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