guys are only as good as the porn they watch
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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