I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
