even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The air was thick with penises
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
