At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
