No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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