found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
