who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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