3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
