i wish my penis had a tongue
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The adults are the big ones right?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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