You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
