Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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