God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
