I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
