God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
