im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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