I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
