Umm I'm too high to move.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
