Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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