and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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