i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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