fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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