maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
