you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
