Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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