I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
