Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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