i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
