I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need water and some morals
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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