I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
