The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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