I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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