he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Randomize
