I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
