The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
