Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
