why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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