I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
