dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
