I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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