I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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