you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
