so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
