I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
