I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
