Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
