i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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