haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
