I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
