That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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