He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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