You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
