wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
