I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
