The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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